Hey. This is more like a post I didn’t wanna write at first but here I am, writting. I change my mind quite ofted, ha? It’s just that many things have happened in last days… Or maybe nothing. You know that feeling when you want to blame something for your numbness but there’s nothing what could do?
I tend to think a lot and this time I discovered some things. I could call it “getting to know myself process” or something like that.
To the point. I study art at high school, graphic design to be exact, and I wanted to be there a lot. It turned out to be harder than I thought tbh. I have a lot pretty talented people around me, they’re awesome and I really like them – just to be clear, but I can see my work is not good enough doesn’t matter how hard I try. I started to feel insecure about drawing and all. I used to enjoy it and I was creative (or so I think) but now it only brings me bad feelings. I’m getting to that point where I’ll just hate it. And it scares me. I can’t change school again. But even if I could where would I go?
I was always so glad I have my future planned. I wanted to do photography or multimedia but I thought about it a lot since my teacher told us we should start going an consultation to uni (I’m in second grade, two years ahead right). Anyway I figured out it’s not something I really wanna do, it’s more like hobby for me. That caught me quite off guard. Suddendly I knew nothing.
I am at school I don’t like anymore. I don’t know what I want to do. And my life seems to be empty as hell.
I bet many people have this problem (or at least had) and many got throw but it’s not my time to find my way out of this mess now. Maybe tommorow. Maybe there’ll be something what’ll hit me and I will now that’s it.
Love to all the people,
PS.: I know I probably don’t even make sence…